Humans are always changing. One day you love someone so much and can’t stop thinking about them… The other, you are sitting with them at lunch and you are thinking to yourself: “What made me so attracted to this person?”
My theory on this subject is simple; We are in love with the person we thought they were, not who they really are… And this is why there is so much divorce in this country. People get married on emotion and after a while, they realize they have nothing in common except they both like having sex and they end up getting a divorce.
I’m not saying this has happened to me, not in the slightest bit. But, on Saturday a close friend of mine passed away and it made me think about the time we are given in the earth. My friend was 20 years old… I never though that a 10-year old was middle-aged… His death got to me, he was such a close friend in high school and to know he is gone from this earth is something I still can’t comprehend.
I was out to lunch with another friend of mine the other day, who I honestly like way too much. We haven’t seen eachother in a good amount of time, she’s always busy with work and everytime we plan something, something else ends up happening and we have to cancel… I don’t trust people, yet I want to be able to trust her… But that’s a whole different post for another day.
Given the fact I haven’t seen her in a while, I had this image of her in my mind from the other times we went out and I must admit, I was disappointed when I had lunch with her. She wasn’t the same person I had remembered.. Had she changed or was the image I had her in my mind something that was only what I wanted to see and just now I had opened my eyes?
What does the death of my friend have to do with a lunch date with this girl? Simple, I’ve realized that you never know when you will be gone from this earth. Look, I believe is Jesus. I know he saved me and that when I die I will go to heaven to be with him. But I would be lying to you right now if I said I was ready to die. It’s human intuition to want to survive. I want to live, I want to see all my hard work pay off, I want to be able to eventually get married one day, I want to see my articles published on ESPN, or something. But, if I was to die right now, I would not be worried in the slightest bit where I would go.
So, with me realizing how short life in this earth is, I thought to myself, “self, are you wasting precious time you have on this earth worried about this girl? Are you waiting for something to happen between you two? Are you wanting to be in a relationship with her?” the answer to all those were “yes”. I would go above and beyond for her but would she do the same? Am I just a very nice friend or am I something more? These are all questions that ran through my mind while at lunch.
I don’t know what made me lose the spark, but while we were sitting there, I was more worried about the score of a game that happened the night before then I was in our conversation. It’s not that she was boring, but it simply didn’t entertain me. She’s a very entertaining person and by no means was I bored. My mind was just somewhere else.
We had planned a lunch and then walk around and talk… During dinner she told me if we could skip the walking because she wasn’t feeling so well… Usually I would try very hard to change her mind, but this time I simply said no problem. I dont know if something is wrong with me…
Do I trust this girl? Yes, to an extent. Do I like her? More than you can imagine.
She’s so fun to be around. She’s smart, beautiful, funny and probably has the best smile in the face of the planet but I think I’m wasting my time with her simply because I don’t believe she feels the same. I don’t need to keep wasting my time like this, I can’t simply let my heart win. I need to be logical about this and realize that if nothing will happen between us, I need to slowly move on.
I don’t know… I still need to think about all this, but today I honestly didn’t feel the spark I’ve felt all the other times we’ve gone out… I like her, I really do. So, if you are the person I went out with and somehow you end up reading this, don’t get freaked out, or mad or angry at me… I’m just writing my thoughts…. As you know hun, I’m much better at expressing my thoughts in writing than I am speaking them… I like you, I truly do. As those innocent elementary school kids would say, I “like you like you”… If you read this, let me know what you think.
Until next time, stay classy my friends….